She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
