I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
