Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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