You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
