I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
