I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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