I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
