With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
