I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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