It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize