The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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