I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
