question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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