I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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