Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
