I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
