Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
