if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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