Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
