So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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