Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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