u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
