He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
