Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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