It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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