i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
