Swine flu is the new snow day.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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