is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
