Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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