Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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