She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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