We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
