I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
