Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Floor bacon is actually really good
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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