By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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