fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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