i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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