my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
