morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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