How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
