i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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