Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
