I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
