some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
