3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
