I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
