you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
