Don't you send me to vm
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
