Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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