I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize