i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
