Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
