just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
