i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize