Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
