see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize