Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
