he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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