it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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