its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
