I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
