Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
