It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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