The maid of honor just puked.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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