yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
