Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I supernannyed him into submission
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
