you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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