I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
