Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
