Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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