I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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