I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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