Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize