apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
