I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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