ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
